It's Been Rough

I have a had a few days of not feeling so hot. Even though I am exercising and eating healthy (probably not enough food though) and I have not lost any more weight. I bought a digital body fat scale and it was heartbreaking. I went to the Dr today and had the blood tests done for thyroid dysfunction. We will see. The treadmill should arrive tomorrow and maybe with a way to exercise in the house watching whatever I want, I will be able to beat some of this lard off myself. I had to buy new pants the other day as the other ones were just too uncomfortable. We had another big snow today...I think that should be it for this season. Please.

Treadmill

I bought a treadmill. It has not arrived yet but it has been purchased and I expect its delivery in a few days. I have been using a Gazelle which really is not great for cardio workouts. It is fun and non-impact but it is really hard to get your heart rate up. Sorry Tony! I also have a very good recumbent cycle but my arse gets numb when I am on it for more than 15 minutes. I am going to try to find padded bike shorts and see if that helps. In the winter it is difficult to walk in Toronto because it seems like my husband is the only guy in the city who regularly clears and salts the sidewalk. I hope the treadmill works for me. I guess it will if I am committed to it.

Good Intentions

I awoke with a headache at around 3:00 a.m. This is, I am sure, due to the fact that I had a diet coke on the weekend after giving it up (other than the odd swig) in December. I had gone to bed with good intentions but the headache has caused me to divert. I have everything I need at work for a diet breakfast and lunch, but as soon as I got off the elevator in the mall, which very conveniently or very cunningly, lets you out right in front of McDonalds, I decided I was getting a McMuffin. All is not lost, I can get back on the wagon for the rest of the day. I am also having a very small coffee to try to alleviate the caffeine headache.

Hey I bought a netbook. I love gadgets and gizmos and I thought it would be handy for travel. It hasn't arrived yet and I am kinda anxious for it.

Snow day

We had a medium dump of snow overnight. Enough to make it crazy to go out if you do not have to and I don't have to. I am still working on my purge of stuff in my house so this is a good thing as long as I can get my husband to make himself scarce! No diet yesterday or today, but no crap either.

This also means I am free to watch the Obama concert. I really only want to see a few of the performers but it is such an amazing time in America. I am Canadian and live in Canada but I am still inspired. I hope it rubs off north of the 49th parallel. It is odd, Canadians are generally liberal and accepting and yet, the US now has a liberal leader and we have a guy from the stone ages. Go figure. In a poll, Canadians would have voted in Obama by 75% and yet they also voted in an ultra conservative. I can't understand it.

Thyroid

I feel like I might have a thyroid problem. It is hard to lose weight and yes I exercise and yes I eat less and still I am not seeing much movement on the scale. I have had the test in my regular yearly blood work but it has always come back within normal ranges. I have heard that the only way to determine for certain is a number of tests at various times in a month. In any case, I am frustrated. I find myself needing to recommit and restart a diet almost every day hence the name of this blog. Wish me luck.

'Flu

I have a bit of a flu which makes me want to hibernate. I am home from work rather than spreading it around to my colleagues. The good thing is that I haven't much of an appetite. I am making a slow cooker full of chicken soup which will be good as well as low fat and I don't have to worry about making dinner later.

I am reading "Half-Assed" a book by Jenette Fulder. She has a blog called PastaQueen and the book is about her courageous battle and victory in losing weight. She is funny, honest and engaging. In reading her blog, I found that she is, in many ways, like me although she is much younger. I am enjoying the book and hope to get some inspiration from it.

The Big Freeze

My city is on cold alert which means it is so cold outside that your skin will freeze if exposed for too long. I dressed warmly in layers for my hike to the bus. My bus was a bit early, which was good for me as I am always there early, but not so good for those who were waiting to time it just right, to minimize time outside, to get to the stop.

Diet wise, yesterday I did very well until I got home and ate too much. It could have been worse. There was no movement on the scale which was disappointing. Sometimes I think my scale settles into a groove and won't budge out of that groove without a drop of several pounds. Reality tells me that it is my body that is in a groove and not in a good way.

Back on Track

I feel like I am back on track today. I have been following the Lean for Life low carb plan and it is easy when you stick to it. Once you are off the carbs, you don't really feel hungry. I did a few short walks yesterday but need to do some more concerted activity. I am thinking about the Wii fit which might be fun. We are going to be getting some severe cold in the next few days so I will have to walk indoors.

A New Week

I awoke this morning with good intentions and I am hoping to keep them. I have plenty of healthy food at work to eat and I have a new pair of shoes in which to walk. I considered joining Curves except, I am not a big fan of the beliefs of the owners and I really don't like all that touchy feely workout-together-because-we-are-women stuff. I prefer to be by myself and invisible. This is why I think it is better for me to work out at home.

Speaking of home, I was cleaning out my closets on the weekend and it became evident that although I have a stuffed closet and bags and bags of clothes, I only have a few items for work which fit me well and in which I feel comfortable. Even if I lost just 10 pounds I would have plenty more options and even more with each pound. I become emotionally attached to clothes and can't throw them away without a great deal of contemplation even though they don't fit and won't for a long time. The expenditure on clothing alone should strengthen my resolve. I counted at least 40 pairs of shoes too. Crazy.

Food Shopping

I have just returned from my weekely sojourn to the SuperCentre which is like a giant Loblaws. Once again, I found President's Choice items in my cart that should not have been there. I succumed to temptation. I had Thai food last night and felt bloated this morning. I have a large household project to get to today that I don't want to tackle but have to so I can continue to be able to walk around my bedroom. I am going to get to it and be a little less hard on myself today.

Reality

I have to face reality. I am a tough customer. I literally have to beat every ounce off my body. I can't slip at all or it shows up on the scale. I haven't gained any weight but I am not losing either. My diet was ok yesterday, although I had too many crackers, and I did 30 minutes on my bike alternating with heavy and medium exertion. I did not weigh myself this morning because I did not want to see a lack of progress. I may weigh myself just once a week or every other day from now on. The weekend holds special challenges for me. I am alone in a house full of food on Saturday and spend Sunday with my Father who has become, since my Mom's passing, a very good cook. I am capable of buying only healthy food at the grocery store but I am also capable of eating too much of even that. I do have a weekend of major house de-cluttering to do so maybe that will occupy me enough to stem my appetite. Here's hoping!

A Bad Day

My day started off bad and then got worse. We had some messy weather, snow and then ice pellets and freezing rain. When I got across the street from my bus stop, I could see a bus coming. I have a rule where I do not run for buses. They run every seven minutes and the last time I ran for one in the winter, I had a spectacular wipe out and broke my ankle. So running is not worth it. It went by and I saw another one coming but this guy was about 3 minutes early. I couldn't cross the road because there was a car coming (the only car in about an hour!) and the road was slippery. I held up my hand hoping the bus driver would stop but no, he decided to be a bit of a dick! In giving this guy a salute, I lifted my heavy bag of stuff really fast and pulled muscles in my neck and shoulder. All of this, combined with the fact that I had not lost any more weight, left me craving foods I should not have. I succumbed and bought some chocolate and after a few pieces, gave the rest away to my colleagues. At least I demonstrated some control. I further saved myself by having some nice fish for dinner.

I read a published diary some years ago written by a woman who was documenting her struggle with dieting. There were daily entries, much like a blog although this was before blogs were around. It was frustrating. I kept waiting for her to stop sabotaging herself. She would be ok for awhile and then fail miserably. Now I recognize some of her behaviour in myself and it doubly makes me want to strengthen my resolve. I don't want to be filled with the same feelings of failure and self loathing. I will try again today.

Arrgghhh again

Now I am getting really bugged. I ate just over 1000 calories yesterday and the scale has not budged. I am disappointed. I am going to try to eat and do exactly the same as the first day when I had the 1 pound loss. I read an article yesterday which said exercise is not key to losing weight and that is the more important aspect. I tend to think it would be a combo of the two which will work best. I struggle on.

Arrgh

I am disappointed. I appear to have stalled already. My calorie total yesterday was 1,279. Two reasons for the slowdown could be that I did not exercise and I had more carbohydrates yesterday and the day before. I am in mild ketosis but no weight loss. I am going to eat just lean protein today and see what happens.

Strengthening Resolve

I feel my resolve is further strengthened. I did not crave foods and go on a rampage in my kitchen. This is good as I am back at work today along with the mall full of food.

Here is my food list from yesterday: yogurt, grapefruit, salmon and chicken (a half portion of each), little quiche, soy nuts, chicken, cauliflower, low fat cheese, half a large apple. This totaled around 1200 calories. I was down maybe half a pound if any. It was hard to tell because I do not have a digital scale. I have to admit I was disappointed that it was not more but really, I can't complain. I have to stay focused. The lack of constant hunger is a plus.

I should explain about the little quiches. I made them myself and they do not have crusts. I spray giant muffin cups with butter flavoured cooking spray, and then coat them with bread crumbs and place them in a giant muffin tin. The quiche has eggs and evaporated skim milk and a combo of cheeses and vegetables. If you want a more firm recipe, let me know. I haven't worked out exactly how many calories is in each but I used 5 eggs and a whole can of evaporated milk and about a cup of shredded cheese. There are 1 and a half tablespoons of flour in there somewhere too. This made 7 quiches.

I am having some weird side effect which may be from this diet. I have not been sleeping well. I feel like my heart is pounding. I gave up Diet Coke a month ago and the only other caffeine I get is in tea which I brew lightly and stop drinking at noon so I don't know what it is. I am hoping that it is my body working so hard to burn fat that it is just not stopping when it is time for me to sleep...but I doubt it, I am probably just thinking too much.

I did not do formal exercise yesterday as I was cleaning house and if you could see my house you would know that this was a long and time consuming activity.

Keeping Myself Honest

I had a lot less hunger yesterday and did not crave any chocolate or other treats. I did have 3 ginger chews though. Here is what I ate yesterday: fat free yogurt, 2 eggs, 1 oz cheese, 3 oz chicken, tart size quiche, soy nuts, another quiche and red and green peppers. Along with the ginger chews this added up to about 1,200 calories. I also did 30 minutes of aerobic dance.

Most diet plans state that one of the things that make one dieter successful over another is journaling what you eat and do. I have made fancy journals and decorated them with stickers and motivational sayings. I pasted in computer generated models of my shape as I am now and how I want to be. This worked fine and the creating of the journal was fun but the problem was that it would not fit into my handbag so it wasn't always handy. I have abandoned the bigger one for the pocket size. I prefer the Moleskines with the graph paper. You can chart your weight and your measurements on the graphs as well as keep track of how much water you drink and your servings of various food groups. Moleskines are expensive but I find they work for me.

Oh, and I lost another pound! The battle continues.

Not bad

Hey! I lost a pound between yesterday and today. I didn't get on my bike but I did do a 1 mile walk with weights with Leslie Sansone so I did something. I had to work. I was one of the only people working in Toronto. I brought a bunch of servings of protein. Because it was my first day, I felt hungry the whole day, even right after eating. Here is what I ate. It totaled up to around 1,300 calories. 2 eggs, 2 oz smoked salmon, 65gm turkey, large apple, 3oz chicken, 2 mozzarella sticks, some chocolate chips (yep, that's right) 3 oz steak, 1 cup vegetables. I drank a ton of water. So that worked. As the days go on, I will feel less hungry and I will be able to add more veg, fruit and dairy. On the Lean for Life plan, the first 2-3 days (until you are in mild ketosis) are supposed to be lean protein. The apple, vegetables and chocolate chips did not fit the bill, but it was a start. I also took vitamins. I find the Swiss 80s are the best. They are a bit hard to swallow but that is one of the things I find that work for me. So a summary of what works for me is as follows:

• lean protein
• fruits and vegetables
• low fat dairy
• no simple carbs
• exercise
• Swiss 80 vitamins

I am on day two of low carb and so far, I am not as hungry as I was yesterday.

I did it.

I did it. I weighed myself this morning. It was as bad as I thought. I think this was a good thing though because I feel stronger with the knowledge. I am close to my all time highest weight but not quite. I am going with mostly lean protein today and will blog the list of foods eaten today -tomorrow. I have planned on 30 minutes on my exercise bike. That is not a lot of time so I think I can do it.

Protein works best for me. And planning. If I decide on a way of eating and don't plan for it, I am doomed. I have to bring my breakfast, lunch and snacks to work in serving sizes. I work in an office tower that is attached to the biggest mall in my city. If I don't have food at the ready, I have a whole mall full of fast food at my disposal and I know how that will turn out! Dinner must also be planned so that I don't come home and just start eating.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year.

I would truly like this to be a Happy New Year for me. I would like to say my resolve is strong and I will be successful at getting healthier this year. I know from experience that you have to be ready to make a change or you will not stick to healthier habits. I don't know if I am ready but I can't afford to wait for the lights to go on and say "This is it, I am ready!" I have to act now, so I will plod along until I get the proper resolve. I have had it before and nothing stood in my way. I was, as my sister put it, "bullet-proof." You could wave chocolate or pasta under my nose and I would have no part of it. So I don't have my strong resolve yet, but I am working on it.

I have not yet decided which diet I will try tomorrow. I did not weigh myself and I don't think I will. If it is more than I think it is, it will depress me and as I am already climbing out of a big hole, it will make the journey even more daunting. I did have some success with the Lean for Life plan so I will probably use that one. It is not a stupid way of eating. For exercise, I am going to get on my exercise bike and see how well I do.


Random thoughts...
I rediscovered the song "The Eve of Destruction" last week. The raw original by Barry McGuire. It is quite an amazing song and although some of the references are outdated, the spirit and intent of this 1960s protest song still ring true.