Food Of Shame

We have all had it and we have all bought it. I can be rolling along nicely. I will eat my oatmeal for brekkie and have an apple, I’ll eat my half pound of veg, lean protein and fruit at lunch. I’ll have a good healthy dinner and I’ll drink my ocean of water every day and then all of the sudden, I find myself buying chocolate or I’ll be on a kitchen rampage to make something I shouldn’t have and that I know will make me sick and fat! It is like I go on autopilot.

I call this food, the food of shame. I am an intelligent woman, but I find this food defeats me. I will buy it and eat it even though I know what it does to me. I eat it without thought. Sometimes I cram it in fast and I don’t even enjoy it and then, of course, I feel guilty and full of self loathing. Food of Shame.

One Year

It has been one year since I started the Dr B diet. I have lost about 26% of my body weight. I have a long way to go. i have been on maintenance for the past few months and have not been entirely good so I will need to buckle down. I am afraid I have lost my resolve and want to get it back.
My sisters are going away for three weeks. I'm going to miss them.

Stalled

I'm not losing but then I'm not gaining either so I am ok with that. It has been nice to relax for a while and not think about everything that is going into my mouth.

I did ok in Europe although I found it was difficult to find restaurant meals with plenty of vegetables. I ate chocolate in Belgium and some ice cream in Paris.

I had a setback as I fell in Paris and tore an ankle ligament. This cuts down on the amount of walking I can do. I am healing ok and hope I will be back to walking soon.

Summer is my favourite time to lose weight. There are lots of good fresh fruits and veg. Also when it's hot, my appetite is not as good.

Another Break

In all of April I lost only 4 pounds. Better than gaining I know, but that means it was over $100.00 per pound and that is just crazy. Part of it was my fault but part is that I know I lose weight slowly and my body has a plateau at the weight I am now. There is a new nurse at the clinic who gave me the excuse I needed to take another break. I test my urine at home before I go so that I know I am burning ketones. Despite having a positive sample at home, when this same nurse takes a reading she says its negative and takes away my fruits for two days! That means I am getting just over 700 calories and that makes me feel cranky and weak. I argue with her and she will say, "okay it is a bare trace" which is good enough. The last time she did this, I had lost a whole pound between visits and she still said no fruits! So I decided I was taking a break. I want to lose a bit on my own and then I will go back to finish up and go on maintenance. So for the next little while I will enjoy getting up on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and be able to have a glass of water, not have to weigh various items of clothing looking for the ones that weigh the least, not worry about whether or not my urine sample will test dark enough for the nasty nurse and I will sleep better because I won't be obsessed with weighing less in the morning. I am going to continue with the diet and test my urine at home so I will know if I am eating too much.

The past week I have had almost no appetite which is a good thing except if I forget to eat and I am out for a walk, I can start feeling a bit weak. I have lost my craving for chocolate which is wonderful but I imagine it will return when I get to Belgium and Paris!

I made some baked potato microwave cloth bags for a craft sale and then I had to try one to see if it worked and it did but I also ate the potato! Although I enjoyed it the carbs made me feel splodgy.

Bad Habits

I seem to have slipped back into some bad habits. I am eating way too much chocolate even though I feel awful after. I am spinning my wheels only losing about 7 pounds in the past month. I know I should be happy with that but as this diet is so expensive, I am discouraged. I don`t want to take another break but I might have to. I am 65% to my goal. I want to be down a bit more before going to France and Belgium next month. I think that major upheavals at work are taking their toll on my well being. We have alot of uncertainty and will likely not get a raise or a decent bonus. I can live with that. I need to buckle down and get back to getting healthy.

Back to the Clinic Tomorrow

I'll be going back to the clinic tomorrow. I have managed to lose about six pounds on my own. It would have been more if I had been more strict but not bad for being on maintenance. So I saved a few hundred bucks. I'll try to be strict from now on until I lose another 20 to 30 pounds.

Back from Vacation

To be true to a diet is difficult, to be true while on vacation is really difficult. I wasn't 100% good but I was ok and still managed to lose 2 pounds while in DisneyWorld! I have a cold now and can't taste anything which of course makes me want to eat strong tasting things. Like sweet chili heat taco chips! Damn, I know now that this will be a life long struggle.